I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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