Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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