it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize