Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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