listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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