Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize