Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
His nipple licking is glorious
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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