I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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