my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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