i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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