literally had 100 drinks last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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