I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
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This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize