I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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