Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
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Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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