standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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