so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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