i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize