And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I just sharted jello shots
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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