I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize