dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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