I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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