her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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