I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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