He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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