I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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