He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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