You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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