Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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