today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
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There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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