No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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