first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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