It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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