New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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