My first STD was from a foam party
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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