I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize