Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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