Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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