I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
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I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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