I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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