I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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