if i can run in heels then i can drive
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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