It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize