alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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