She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
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First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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