And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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