Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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