Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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