i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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