it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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