then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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